So much time has passed and there has been so much going on, yet nothing posted here. Now I have returned as my path as an educator is foggy at best.
On first glance, no one would be able to tell there was a problem. My classes are great and hard-working. Still working in the fast lane as I deal with my own classes, work as the TAG coordinator, review the School Improvement Plan, help others with Tech Integration, and even help the district with their iPad initiative. All of that and two natural disasters, but I can't say that I am overly stressed. Just not happy....
I am still happy to be an educator, just not happy in my current position. This is the first time I have felt this way entering my seventh year in the same building. After much thought this feeling has two roots: losing too many talented colleagues and one comment made by an administrator.
Great colleagues have left before and I have been okay. Then a colleague left that meant more to me than I realized when she was here. She was an intellectual equal that was willing to take risks with me and truly cared about her students. While I have a lot of professional and personal relationships within the school, I think she was the only one that really understood me. As many from my PLN would understand, it is hard to be different.
Then there was "the comment." It was a moment that made me question almost everything I had done in the past seven years. There was a tailspin of emotion within a few short days. While the person that said "the comment" made an effort to make-up for the hurt, I have still not recovered. I have forgiven the transgression, I can't seem to get past it. It is hard to believe that the comment was a complete mistake and not a reflection of how the person really felt. From being de-valued like that in front of the entire staff, is it really possible to return to normal?
Some have said that I am really good at finding solutions to problems, not this time. Maybe it is one of those time heals all wounds situation. I hope so.