Point of No Return?

So much time has passed and there has been so much going on, yet nothing posted here. Now I have returned as my path as an educator is foggy at best.

On first glance, no one would be able to tell there was a problem. My classes are great and hard-working. Still working in the fast lane as I deal with my own classes, work as the TAG coordinator, review the School Improvement Plan, help others with Tech Integration, and even help the district with their iPad initiative. All of that and two natural disasters, but I can't say that I am overly stressed. Just not happy....

I am still happy to be an educator, just not happy in my current position. This is the first time I have felt this way entering my seventh year in the same building. After much thought this feeling has two roots: losing too many talented colleagues and one comment made by an administrator.

Great colleagues have left before and I have been okay. Then a colleague left that meant more to me than I realized when she was here. She was an intellectual equal that was willing to take risks with me and truly cared about her students. While I have a lot of professional and personal relationships within the school, I think she was the only one that really understood me. As many from my PLN would understand, it is hard to be different.

Then there was "the comment." It was a moment that made me question almost everything I had done in the past seven years. There was a tailspin of emotion within a few short days. While the person that said "the comment" made an effort to make-up for the hurt, I have still not recovered. I have forgiven the transgression, I can't seem to get past it. It is hard to believe that the comment was a complete mistake and not a reflection of how the person really felt. From being de-valued like that in front of the entire staff, is it really possible to return to normal?

Some have said that I am really good at finding solutions to problems, not this time. Maybe it is one of those time heals all wounds situation. I hope so.


1br00ks said...

Hello Selena--

My name is Lajuane Brooks, a Prince Georges County resident and education reform consultant. For me, it has been a labor of love over the past decade, introducing technology-focused ideas to the PGCPS community. Some of my ideas have not been well-received because in hindsight they were not very good ideas, or because they were ideas before their time & PGCPS just wasn't ready. Having weathered the repeated rejections for whatever reason, I have found that difficult, unhappy times do serve a purpose.

I am so sorry that you are unhappy with what you are doing now, but I have learned that discontent is great for finally understanding what you don't want. Your "point of no return" can actually be a launch into something really great.

I am currently working with a passionate team committed to establishing a Blended-Learning school in PGCPS. You may already know that blended learning, which is face-2-face instruction is combined with online instruction, with more emphasis on content being delivered by technology and reinforcement delivered by the face2face teacher, has been shown to provide the closest model to true individualized instruction. See http://www.inacol.org/research/promisingpractices/NACOL_PP-BlendedLearning-lr.pdf .

Our team has been advised to consult an experienced educator to help shape the school vision. As you were honored as one of the best technology integration teachers in PGCPS, I would like to know if you are interested in learning more about the project.

Just reply if you would like more details on this exciting project and I'll get my contact info to you.

Thanks for your time, Selena.